Parties, Bathrooms, and Closets?
by Emerald S. Sparrow
Summary: BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! Your favorite story is back with all your favorite characters! Wilder! Crazier! FUN!
1. Wild drunkies! Sons! Jonathan! Oh my!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from The Mummy or The Mummy Returns. They belong to universal Studios, and Stephen Sommers. (I think.)  
  
Author's Notes: I am very bored. but inspired. My new parody is coming up soon, but this is something short. I love seeing everyone's reviews, they crack me up! And also, I dedicate this story to Jen, my sister. She is the funniest person in the world (to me) and she is always helping out. Oh and this is dedicated to Missy Elliot, also! The whole time I wrote this, I listened to her songs! I hope all of you laugh, but it's a midnight story, so don't get on to me and tell me to sod off if it doesn't sound good! It doesn't make any sense, I guess that makes it funny. sometime after TMR, and Evy, Rick, Ardeth, Jon- Jon, and Imy and Anck are all somehow friends. So enough of your warning, just please Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep had been invited to the O'Connell's party. Everyone was there, and it was packed. Music played, everyone danced. Alex had a bunch of friends over and they were going nuts. Many times, they had asked Imhotep to be real scary and act like he was going to suck them dry. Anck-su-Namun was mad because he wasn't spending time with her. 5  
  
Rick, Ardeth, Jonathan, and Imhotep had all had several drinks by the time the fifth song of the party was playing. It was embarrasing for Evy and Anck-su-Namun. They both hated it that the guys were going around dancing, in almost nothing but their underwear. Leave it to little Alex, who was now about fifteen, to stand up with his guy friends and they started dancing.  
  
Anck-su-Namun and Evy were steaming, but the guys were having so much fun. During the seventh dance, Imhotep tried to pull Anck-su-Namun in the dance, grabbing her by the waist and hold her above his head. Evy saw that Rick was coming for her and tried to run, but Jonathan caught her and let Rick take her. Both women were screaming, promising to kill Imhotep and Rick when they were sober. and if they weren't, it was okay, only thing disappointing about that is they wouldn't remember it!  
  
By the ninth dance, the two women were dizzy, and their voices were about to fade out from the screaming they had done. Jonathan saw a girl that was beautiful (to him) and calmed down to go and talk with her. Ardeth had some of his Med- Jai friends come, and they were doing a little dance. The crowd, trying to make room for the fellahs, accidentally pushed Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun into a closet, which locked when the door closed. Rick and Evy were shut off into the bathroom, which Alex locked when he heard them in there. Both couples were seriously shocked and the men started to get scared.  
  
Imhotep pulled a string that turned on the light. Anck-su-Namun was glaring and trying to open the door. "At least we are together, dear!" Imhotep said not so wittingly, and when Anck-su-Namun heard him say it, she turned and in one swift movement had her hands to his throat, strangling him. "YOU are the one responsible for this! Now you want to make out in a closet?! I never thought of you like that, Imhotep!" He gasped for air. "Let me go, Anck!" He grabbed a hold of her hair and pulled- hard. She screamed, and outside Alex and his friends giggled. "Alex, you are so good!" One of the girls screamed to him excitedly. They ran down the hall to see about the bathroom couple.  
  
"I cannot believe this! Rick, how could you get so drunk?! Now, someone has locked us in the bathroom, who knows when we will get out?!" Rick stepped back, afraid she might slap him or something. "Sweetheart, at least it's just us!" Evy glared and then stepped up to him. "And just because we are in the bathroom, doesn't mean you have the right to stink it up!" She turned around and banged her head on the door. "This is worse than when Alex tried to fight those little German boys, and one of those generals came to our door and told us off-oh my! I just realized! Alex! What do you think he is doing? Oh no, this is bad!" Rick smiled behind her back. At least she wasn't chewing his butt out anymore!  
  
"Well, if I was a policeman, I'd give you a ticket for being so gorgeous." Meanwhile, Jonathan was trying to win the pretty woman over with pick- up lines. It wasn't working. What should I do? He asked himself. Then he remembered what worked, every time. "Did I mention I am rich?" The girl looked up from her drink, and latched onto Jonathan's arm. "Well, why didn't you say so?" He smiled, and led her into the hall. He stopped at the closet, and opened it, to see Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep trying to strangle each other. Jonathan made a face. "Oh, it's taken." He shut it, just as it's occupants were trying to scramble out. "Don't close the---" It shut in their faces, "Door." Jonathan walked smugly down the hall with the woman on his arm. He stopped at the bathroom and opened it, revealing Evy and Rick, trying to strangle each other. "That must be the style these days, strangling one another, I'll have to try that!" He pushed the door closed, and Alex came out from behind and locked it. "How long are you going to keep them in there?" Jonathan asked his nephew. "When the party is over, and I've had some fun."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Anyone want a sequel? I had a lot of ideas, but want to get some reviews first. So, just tell me whether or not to go on! 


	2. What people that are stuck in places thi...

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters mentioned from mummy movies they belong to Steve Sommers and universal studios.  
  
Author's notes: The sequel! Scary, huh? lol... If something is wrong with the font, sorry my Word is messed up right now! Thanks to all who wanted to see a sequel, I had a lot of inspiration from you! Again, dedicated to all of you who wanted this, and Jen, my sis. Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliot, love her songs a lot and they gave me something to listen to while writing! And finally: ENJOY!   
  
  
Jonathan thought of where to go to go so that he and his date could be alone. It really sucked that the best places were taken. He wondered about his nephew, what he was up to? Oh well, Ardeth and his buddies were too drunk to worry about anything, and Jonathan had a beautiful blonde on his hands, nothing to worry about!   
  
Meanwhile, in the closet, Anck-su-Namun was still trying to kill Imhotep! "Let me go!" He was gasping out. She was on top of him, strangling him. "You stupid mummy! What, were your brains taken out?!" He tried to bite her and she squealed and let go of him. She tried to get away from him, but found she had no where to go. "Where did you think you were going to go? We are in a closet! So I can get you all I want!" He grabbed her and started tickling her. "Stop! I can't breathe!" She yelled through laughs. "Imhotep takes NO mercy!" He yelled back and she sarted laughing harder.   
  
Rick sat on the edge of the bathtub, rubbing his neck. "You almost killed me!" He exclaimed to Evy. She laughed. "Yeah right... I barely strangled you!" He jumped up. "Don't mess with me, sweetheart!" He lunged at her and she screamed. "No!" Rick stopped. Evy looked into the mirrior. "I just did my hair..." Rick growled and ignored her. "Who cares? It would get messed up anyways!" She laughed and ran around the bathroom.  
  
Imhotep stopped tickling Anck-su-Namun and listened. "Do you hear that?" He looked up and saw a vent. It's coming from there." He jumped on some boxes and put his ear up to the vent. "It's Rick and Evy!" Anck-su-Namun jumped up and listened also. "It is! See if you can comunicate!" Imhotep started yelling into the vent.   
  
Rick stopped chasing Evy when he heard Imhotep's voice. "What the heck?!" He whispered and hopped up to the vent. "Evy, come here and listen to this!" Evy stopped and walked up to him. "What?" They heard Imhotep screaming meaningless things to them, and waited until he was done. Rick cleared his throat. "Imhotep! We're in the bathroom! Where are you and Anck?!"   
  
Imhotep laughed when he heard Rick's voice. "Yeah," he called back, "We are in the closet! Maybe we can climb through here and meet up! We could knock down the doors!" Anck-su-Namun laughed when she heard Imhotep say to knock down the doors. They all wanted to get to the party! They should really do that!  
  
Evy pulled Rick back. "That's a good idea! We could bust out of here and join the party! I wonder what Ardeth would be doing right now?" Rick turned to her. "I really am terrified to know what a drunk Med-Jai does!" He turned back around and yelled into the vent, "Imhotep! We are going to come over there! We don't want to knock the bathroom door down!"  
  
Imhotep nodded, although Rick couldn't see him. "Okay! Anck and I will be waiting!" He broke off the vent cover and then turned around to Anck-su-Namun, grabbing her by the waist. "Last chance we get, baby... kiss me!" Anck-su-Namun laughed and pulled away. "No way, man! Get sober!" He pulled her back. "Just one kiss?" Anck-su-Namun smiled evilly. "Okay!" She kissed his forehead and then turned the other way. "Tease..." He mumbled and moved up to the vent again. "Mummies..." She whispered and started piling boxes to make more room for the guests. 


	3. parents climbing in vents... Med-Jai in ...

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mummy or the Mummy Returns. All characters from these movies belong to Steve Sommers (I love you man!) and Universal Studios (They also own Jurassic Park, go fig!)  
  
Author's notes: This is probably the most scariest thing I have ever done, and you poor poor people have to read it because you read the other two parts and this is next in line! lol. I know I'm weird... but aren't we all sometimes? Again, thanks for the reviews, really inspires me. Dedicated to the reviewers, Jen, my sis (love ya!), Santana, I played his Woodstock song over and over on this one! Oh, and I can't forget Joxer! (Yes, Joxer the Mighty from Xena: Warrior Princess!) Always loves that geek. And last but not least, to the mummies surrounding me right now that what to suck the life out of me! Now, please ENJOY! (And do not forget to review! The mummies will get you if you don't! lol!)  
  
  
  
  
Rick was climbing through the small vent the he soon found out was very dusty and yucky. He didn't like it, and he could tell Evy didn't either. She was in front of him, coughing almost every inch she moved! "Honey, can you go a little faster?" He asked, trying to let her know she better get her tush moving! And such a nice tush, too... she was after all in front of him and that was all he saw! Evy stopped and looked back at him. "Don't even start, Rick. You are the one that got us stuck in here, in the first place!" Rick turned red. "How?" Evy sighed and started crawling again. "You just had to go and get drunk, didn't you? Poor Anck-su-Namun... bah! What am I saying?! She probably is giving Imhotep the utimate punishment!" Rick coughed. He did not want to know... well, yes he did. "And what is the 'ultimate punishment?'" he asked, suspisiously. "It is a girl's secret, well until she gives her man the punishment... forget it, you'll find out if I ever give it to you." Rick gulped and stayed low. I'll never ge drunk again! He vowed to himself.   
  
"Anck-su-Namun! Stop piling those boxes and come help me!" Imhotep called to her, needing help getting the vent lid off. "No way... I won't break my nails!" Imhotep rolled his eyes. "Stop mocking that movie and get over here!" Anck-su-Namun threw down the boxes, very mad that he was telling her what to do. She huffed up to him. "Seti and now you?! Don't you ever tell me what to do like that again! I am a free woman now!" Imhotep grabbed her hand and pulled her up near the vent. "You undo those screws and I will do these." He ordered her, and handed her a screwdriver. "Okay." She said and took it from him.   
  
"I think we're almost there!" Evy exclaimed with much joy when she saw a light. "IMHOTEP! ANCK-SU-NAMUN!" She screamed. "WOuld you stop, it's echoing, I'll have nightmares." Rick pleaded. "Oh shut up!" Evy yelled at him. Rick pulled on her dress. "Let me get in front!" He whispered and tried to go around her. Evy grabbed his collar and pushed him back. "What are you, nuts?! We'd get stuck!" Rick tried to go again. "Will you please be serious, we're on a secret mission!" Rick looked ahead and behind him, then got up against the vent walls. "Oh, stop it! You don't have your guns with you anyways." Rick looked hurt. "I have some hand- to- hand killing techniques, though!" He cried and put up his fists. "Oh you do?" Evy asked, suddenly filled with interest. "Yeah!" Rick said proudly. Evy motioned with her finger for him to come closer. Rick smiled, gladly doing so. Out of no where, Evy grabbed his nose and twisted it. "Ow!" He cried. "That hurt!" Evy smiled. "That's what you get for being a tart! Now stop the nonsense and let's get out of here!"   
  
Imhotep pulled of the vent cover. "Alright." Anck-su-Namun scowled, her nose scrunching up. "You just told me what to do, and I did it! Why did I?" Imhotep smiled smugly. "Because I made you." Anck-su-Namun slapped his arm. "Truth." Imhotep turned back to the vent. "I am very charming and as Alex puts it, 'Studly.'" Anck-su-Namun knocked him in the ribs and screamed, "I'm serious this time!" Imhotep grabbed his ribs cringed. "Ow! That hurt!" Anck-su-Namun tunred back to the boxes. "That's what you get for being a tart! Now tell me in truth why I suddenly said yes." Imhotep shrugged. "You tell me, you did it." Anck-su-Namun threw a box over her shoulder. Imhotep watched her not answer and thought for a moment. I should mess with her, he thought evilly. "YOu really want to know?" Anck-su-Namun answered eagerly as he slid up next to her. "It was magic!"   
  
  
  
  
Back at the party, Alex was having the time of his life! No parents, no limits! He could do anything he wanted! "Let's go get one of my dad's guns and shoot the birds up in the trees!" He exclaimed to the whole crowd. All the teenagers jumped up and followed him.   
  
Ardeth and the drunken Med-Jai were dancing and throwing plates against walls like some Greeks at a wedding reception. "Yeah! Smash another one, go ahead, O'Connell won't mind!" Ardeth called. "Bring in the keggers!" He yelled excitedly to his black- robed friends, who were now almost in their underwear! The house was a mess, and they had created most of it. "There's mpre dishes in the china cabnet! Go and get them!" He yelled to the eager Med-Jai. "Hey! I said bring in the keggers! I need some right about now!" He yelled again to whoever was listening.   
  
Alex stopped and turned back. "Hey Ardeth! I've got a Karoke machine!" Ardeth got excited. "YOu want to use it?" Alex asked. Ardeth pointed to his tattoos. "You see these? I'm a courageous butt- kicking Med-Jai, but there is a hidden message in here, it says I am a Karoke star! Bring it down!" Alex grinned and sent one of the Med-Jai to go get it. "It'll be there in a jiffy!" Ardeth raised an eyebrow but was pulled back into the party. "Jiffy?" He asked as he picked up another plate. "Where's my keg?!"   
  
  
  
Want more? I don't know how far I should go in this! Lol... review and tell me what to do! LOL... I'm lost! 


	4. Another catfight and some druken singing...

Disclaimer: I own nothing. nothing! Except the idea of course! Characters belong to Steve Sommers, and Universal Studios! Summer gave me one of the things to put in here, so that belongs to her! Thanks for giving me that, Summer! Love ya!  
  
Author's notes: BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! Lol. The Mummy on TNT came on tonight! But I just had to write this next part when I thought of this! So I wouldn't mind if you reviewed, hehe. might as well since you read it! Dedicated to you readers and reviews that have done so to this story! YAY you! Also to Jen, who DIDN'T get on Yahoo OR AOL tonight! Thanks a lot, sis! I missed you! But anyways, thanks for encouraging me, all of you! Now please enjoy this crazy thing!  
  
  
  
  
  
Evy crawled the last few inches, still coughing her head off. "Rick! This is it!" Rick looked around. "How many times do I have to tell you?! This is a secret mission and it is a mission that is impossible!" Evy turned around and glared and Rick decided to stop his ramblings. "Imhotep! Hi! Thanks for messing up our vent!" Evy climbed out, dropping down. Imhotep helped Rick out of the vent. "Your wife is very ungrateful! Nice to see you! This girl over here has been bothering me!" He pointed to Anck-su-Namun. "Glad to see you too!" Rick exclaimed. Evy walked over to Anck-su-Namun. "Seriously, I was about to kill him! I don't know why I didn't!" Evy told Anck-su-Namun. She just smiled. "Well, Imhotep says it's 'magic' that I do what he says!" Evy laughed. "Yeah right. hun, Rick has used that for years! I finally found out it was because I just wanted a kid!" The two women laughed. "Well, I always thought that I was better at getting men than anyone else!" Anck-su-Namun said to Evy. "What?" Evy stopped laughing. "Wait just a minute."  
  
  
  
Ardeth had no idea no idea what he was getting himself into. He wasn't supposed to be drinking! But he was already drunk, he wasn't worried about it! All the Med-Jai there were drunk!  
  
Now if he could only get this Karaoke machine to work!  
  
Alex laughed at all the Med-Jai. They were excited to have the Karaoke machine! "It's all yours." He had told them when he gave it to them. He wanted to stick around to see Ardeth sing, just so in the future he had something to tease the chieftain of the Med-Jai about! So he convinced his fiends to stay. "We will shoot birds later. it's better if you do it later in the evening, because they are asleep and un- suspecting, and when they wake up with a bullet in their chest, it's a lot of fun to see them go crazy!"  
  
  
  
Evy put her hands on her hips. "What are you saying?" Anck-su-Namun smiled and leaned against the door. "Come on, I was a concubine! Of course, more men wanted me, and f I hadn't been a concubine, I could've had any and every man I wanted!" Evy turned red with anger. "I was the Princess! Every man wanted me! I was free, and I had almost ten hundred suitors!" Anck-su- Namun raised her eyebrow. "You did not! You had eighteen, your sister had ten hundred!" Evy scowled. "So now I'm a liar?" "You were always a lying brat!" Evy put her fists up. "Bring it on, Anck-su-Namun!" Anck-su-Namun laughed hysterically. "I am better at fighting, too!" She got in fighting stance. "It's been brought, Evy, you wench!" Evy tried to punch. "Come and get it, Anck, you hag!" They started fighting, but with no weapons, it turned into a bunch of slaps. The men stopped trying to put the vent together and ran over to them.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You ain't nothing but a hound dog! Crying all the time! You ain't nothing but a hound dog. crying. all the time! You ain't never gonna get it and you ain't no friend of mine!" It was Ardeth's turn to sing, and he did good for a Med-Jai trying to imitate Elvis! Everyone was laughing and joining in.  
  
Alex watched with his friends. This was one of the funniest things they had ever seen! Ardeth and the Med-Jai singing and drinking! It was major action and Alex wished he had a camera! "Alex, this is the best party, ever!" Alex smiled at the girl who had said that. She had a crush on him. But, he still had to wonder what he was going to do when his parents did get out. and Imhotep would never teach him how to do the "mummy jaw dropper" again! But it was necessary. he wanted to have a good time.  
  
Even more than that, his uncle Jon would be mad that he had no where to take his girlfriend! Where was uncle Jonathan anyways?!  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'll rip your hair all out!" Evy screamed at Anck-su-Namun. "I'll steal your son and use him to get to a gold pyramid!" Anck-su-Namun slapped her and got up. "You've already done that!" Evy cried, and lunged at her again. "No!" Rick yelled and grabbed Evy. Anck-su-Namun came at her, and Imhotep caught Anck-su-Namun as she was inches away from Evy's face with her fingernails. "And you call us tarts? Stop fighting! We don't need this!" Imhotep nodded, but whispered in Anck-su-Namun's ear, "Good move, honey!" Evy tried to lunge forward again, but Rick had her. "Let me at her!" Evy cried out again. "Oh, come and get it, palace brat!" Anck-su-Namun screamed back at her. Imhotep and Rick put them on either side of the closet. "Sit and be good, both of you! We are not babysitters, we are men, now stop it!" Anck-su-Namun sat to one side and crossed her arms, pouting. Evy did the exact same. "Hag." Evy whispered. "Wench." Anck-su-Namun whispered back. As the men went back to fixing to lid of the vent, the two women continued mouthing bad names at each other. "I didn't know they could be such potty mouths!" Rick exclaimed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Was that okay? I loved the two girls fighting, that was my idea that I was so hyped about! Summer, I promise your idea will come in big next time with some added touches to it! Thanks so much everyone! Now please go and review! 


	5. Not the Guys... Alex, what are you doing...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned that are from the mummy and the mummy returns! We know this! So don't sueth me! I am but a child! LOL! Although some ideas belong to my friend, Summer, and from one who wanted the guys to start some action too! So thanks, you are the best!  
  
Author's Notes: Oh no! More! Do to popular request, I have decided with a few ideas from my good friends that I will continue! Sorry this took so long, but school is back, I had basketball tournaments and everything was and is kind of still hectic! But I am continuing, mainly for Dylan, known on here as Anck-su-Namun, whom I dedicate this along with Jen, my sis, who I finally got to talk to tonight! You are the best! And also to Niki! Who let me (sort of) cry on her shoulder. And finally, to everyone that reads this and reviews, I love you and thanks so much! Now, please ENJOY!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
As Evy and Anck-su-Namun kept throwing out crude names at each other, the men started to get tired and bored of fixing the vent. It was turning into the worst thing that had ever happened! And now all of them could hear people singing, and Rick could've sworn that he heard Ardeth singing Elvis! That was a scary thought!  
  
After a while of trying and failing to get the cover to the vent back on, Rick and Imhotep gave up. Each sat down beside their loves, putting an arm around them. Imhotep starred at Anck-su-Namun, who was trying to stare down the "evil wench", a name she had so graciously gave to Evy.  
  
Evy wished she could rip Anck-su-Namun's hair out! Funny how they could go from friends to foes in about a minute!  
  
The men looked at each other. Suddenly, Rick and Imhotep got the urge to hit each other! Imhotep threw himself away from Anck-su-Namun and towards Rick, Rick doing the same. The two men clashed, and landed on the floor. Anck-su-Namun and Evy jumped up. "Good move, honey!" Exclaimed Evy as she saw Rick jab Imhotep by his temple. "Come on, my Immy! I'll give you a kiss if you win!" Anck-su-Namun yelled to Imhotep. Rick stopped jabbing, and Evy stopped screaming. "Immy?" Before they could laugh, Imhotep punched Rick in the nose and Rick flew back. "You'd kiss me anyways!" Imhotep yelled to Anck-su-Namun.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, Jonathan had just got threw drinking his sixteenth shot. "Yeah, gimme more!" All the girls around him were laughing and saying, "Oh, Jonathan, you're so strong!" Jonathan loved telling the story where "He killed the mummy and all his minions!" Apparently, the girls loved it too, and a ton of long legged girls stood around him, listening to his drunken voice tell the tale. "And you know, I never had any help!" He believed himself in that state, drunk and unstable, seeing more than a ton of girls.  
  
  
  
  
  
Alex had gone into garage, where the car was, and in the trunk of the car was spare guns his father kept. "Ok, and this," He picked out a big, long brown gun, "Is called the Elephant gun! Look how big the shells are! This will kill birds instantly!" He smiled when all his friends ewwed and awed. "Yep… and this is how it works!" He loaded it, and led all his friends to the tree in the front yard. One little girl named Prudence stepped up. "Alex, I don't think this is very prudent… what about your parents?" Alex aimed at a quiet bird and smirked at the girl. "They wouldn't care…" And he shot.  
  
  
  
  
  
Ardeth drank another keg. "I will have to go pee really bad after this!" He yelled to all his friends, who were now laughing and submerging their heads in a barrel. "Yep, yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum!" He did a little dance, and then stopped. "Hey, Joe-Joe! Go call the local belly dancer girl!" A little man in black underwear ran up and said, "Can I have one more drink?" Ardeth laughed and nodded. "Wanna see the tattoo that Alex put on my bum?!" He yelled out loud to everyone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok, so this was shorter, but I had to go! Just let me know what ya think, ok? 


	6. What's next?!?!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from The Mummy or The Mummy Returns! They belong to Steve Sommers and Universal Studios!  
  
Author's note: Okay, so it's taking me a while to finish this! With school and everything… ya know. Dedicated to all the readers/reviewers, and the ones who have encouraged me and given out ideas! Thanks so much!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Imhotep stopped, not believing he and Rick were fighting after the they had told the girls not to! What had started this anyways? This was stupid and petty…  
  
"Come and get some, prostitute- loving high priest!" Rick screamed at the mummy man. This set Imhotep off, and he rammed Rick, now getting vengeance.  
  
"At least he didn't fall in love with a palace brat with ugly eyeliner!" Anck-su-Namun yelled out fiercely. She saw out of the corner of her eye that Evy was coming after her, and stepped aside while Evy ran into the wall. "Oh yeah, let's go, Neferwench!" She yelled to her, while the stumbling Evy tried to regain her balance.  
  
Rick punched Imhotep in the nose. "I like her eyeliner!" He yelled in Imhotep's face, lunging at him again. Imhotep blocked and punched him in the stomach. "Take that, you big lug!" Rick looked up at him, still doubled over in pain. "Who's the big lug?! At least moths haven't eaten MY brain!" Imhotep's eyes went wide and he flew in Rick's direction.  
  
  
  
Alex shot his fifth bird. "Yeah! Did you see that? It was perfect!" He bragged to his friends, who had already retreated into the garage and the trunk of the car to get shotguns. "Alright, this is a better party than inside! Wait till we tell everyone at school, they'll freak!"  
  
Alex smiled contently. He was the star! Well, that was nothing new, actually. He was so glad his parents hadn't home schooled him!  
  
"Well, we will have to move to another tree soon, the birds are almost gone in this one! And the other ones around here will wake up and get scared soon, so let's go! One person to a tree!"  
  
Alex smiled to himself. Everything was so good! At least these stupid birds couldn't wake him up in the morning and he wouldn't have to get new bloody birdseed for them everyday! But what'll mum say? He thought to himself as he loaded his gun.  
  
  
  
Ardeth got up from his chair, pulling everyone into the circle and dancing with the belly dancer girl behind him. "Come on, Joe-Joe!" He called to his buddy. Everyone danced, and he looked around as HE danced madly. Everyone was almost in their underwear! He hadn't seen the O'Connells or Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun or even Jonathan for the last two hours! "Forget them! I'm having fun for once!" He yelled, not thinking about the consequences that would come after he had done his "Fun."  
  
  
  
Jonathan lounged around with all the girls, still drinking. "I'm going to have a very large hangover in the morning, aren't I?" He asked a girl near him. He always did after parties. He was glad for once he was alone with some girls and his sister or brother-in-law wasn't chewing him out. "They never ask me if I want to baby-sit, they just tell me to!" He complained to another girl, who just patted his arm and smiled. "Jonathan, you're our hero! Defeating that mummy and his minions! We love you!" Jonathan smiled. "Yeah, I guess you're right!"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Like it? I'm trying to include all characters! Please go ahead and review, means a lot to lil ol me! Thanks for reading and (maybe) reviewing! 


	7. No more room!!! Especially for drunkies!...

Disclaimer: I do not own the following characters from the mummy or the mummy returns movies. They belong to my hero, Stephen Sommers (LMAO!) and to Universal Studios... I think they do, anyways. I just put what everyone else put! Some of the ideas in here are not mine, they are my wonderful twin's, Dylan, otherwise known as here as "Anck-su-namun." Please go read her stories! Love ya!  
  
Author's Notes: You're wrong if you think this is serious. You're wrong if you think they are way out of character or things that happen are very unlikely! This is a Parody, this is fanfic for a MOVIE, and almost nothing is true in MOVIES. Alrighty then? Thanks! LOL! Like I said, dedicated to Dylan! All my readers and reviewers, sorry it took so long, but Dylan finally gave me motivation! So, please read and review and just ENJOY!  
  
Ardeth had found out when he drank another keg or so that he needed to go potty. He also found that his bladder was very small. No matter how hard he tried to hold it, he felt like he would let all of it out every time he moved. Thus, keeping his legs together and walking pigeon- toed, he started to the bathroom.  
  
Jonathan told the girls around him he'd be back in a minute. He had to go to the bathroom bad! He was going to explode! So as instead of walking to the potty, he hopped, cursing himself for not going earlier. He got down on his knees and crawled, not able to take it. He almost starting cursing again when he thought he had went in his trousers. "Oh, I've got to make it!" He said as she crawled up to the door.  
  
Ardeth was in the bathroom, letting all of it out, ready to go back and drink more. As he was washing his hands, a panting, sweaty Jonathan came through the door, running over to the toilet.  
  
"Oh hello, Ardeth!" He said and then turned back. As he realized that the Med-Jai was in there, he almost screamed, doing a double take.  
  
"Ardeth! What are you doing in here?!" He asked, half sober, half not. Ardeth laughed and said, not so sober himself, "Why, I was just going to the bathroom, and you?" Just as he slapped Jonathan on the back, someone came by and pushed the door closed, locking it from the outside.  
  
They heard the door lock and immediately ran over to it. "NO!" Cried Ardeth and Jonathan at the same time.  
  
They looked up to see the vent open, and looked it at. "This is our only way out!" Exclaimed Jonathan. "Then let's go!"  
  
Alex listened rather intently to make sure they WERE locked in. He loved doing this! If only he had something he could remember this by! They were stuck, everyone was stuck, everyone else was drunk, and he had the night off!  
  
He and his friends had tired of killing birds. Some were still out looking at guns, but Alex took some of his girlfriends and showed them how he could trap people. Now if only they could stay in there...  
  
Evy was on Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep was on Rick. "Wench!" Anck-su-Namun yelled to Evy. Evy yelled back at her, and just as she was about to say something about her once-father Seti, Anck-su-Namun punched her and crawled away.  
  
"Yeah! How do you like that, you palace brat?!" Anck-su-Namun yelled to Evy. The men got away from each other and everyone started screaming at each other.  
  
"Well, I wanted and would have kissed Imhotep, but Rick just HAD to come in and ruin everything!" All occupants that weren't Evy (who had said this in the first place) looked at her, mouths all agape.  
  
"WHAT?!" Rick, Anck-su-Namun and Imhotep yelled in unison. Rick got into Evy's face and Anck-su-Namun got into Imhotep's face.  
  
"You were going to kiss her?! How could you do this to me?!" Anck-su-Namun was yelling into the High Priest's face.  
  
"You would kiss that monster?!" Cried Rick, almost a shriek as loud as Anck-su-Namun's.  
  
Everyone stopped, and there was complete silence. Everyone turned to Evy, who had started this whole thing with her revelation.  
  
"Let's get her!!!" Cried Imhotep as they all jumped on her. "Trying to steal MY rotting corpse of a man! DIE!" Anck-su-Namun slapped her.  
  
Imhotep got in front of Evy. "Trying to hurt MY concubine!" Imhotep punched her.  
  
Finally, Rick stood up, taking his turn and crying, "CHEATING ON ME!!!" As he said this, he started tickling her underarms.  
  
Imhotep and Anck-su-Namun looked at each other. "What?! That is no punishment! Lemme at her!" Anck-su-Namun cried, grabbing onto Evy's hair and trying to rip it out.  
  
Imhotep and Rick nodded, and both women almost did not notice as Imhotep pulled Anck-su-Namun away from Evy and Rick doing the same to Evy.  
  
Rick continued to tickle Evy, and Imhotep started on Anck-su-Namun.  
  
As they were all occupied, they did not notice the cent cover being pulled open again, and the Med-Jai and the drunkie coming in.  
  
"Hello, chaps!" Cried Jonathan, as he was pushed through. When Ardeth came though, they both stopped in pure shock.  
  
"No one told us the party was in here!" Ardeth said and looked at Jonathan, who nodded.  
  
They got out bottled of Rum and Whiskey and started singing, "Ninety-nine bottles of Rum on the wall!"  
  
Both couples stopped, this time, THEY were speechless, and watched as the two drunken men bounced of the walls. 


	8. Cleaning out the closet! Or rather, bust...

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters except for maybe a few drunken people and some of Alex's friends. Stephen Sommers and the Universal gang own the two Mummy films, not I. So please do not think of suing! I only do this for your enjoyment!  
  
Author's Note: You're wrong if you think this is serious. You're wrong if you think they are way out of character or things that happen are very unlikely! This is a Parody, this is fanfic for a MOVIE, and almost nothing is true in MOVIES. Alrighty then? Thanks! Oh, and I'm sorry this took such a long time. I just suddenly got inspired to be crazy! Let's have some parody and out-of-character fun!!!  
  
As Jonathan and Ardeth continued to sing and dance like idiots in the now crowded closet, Alex was busy with his girlfriends. A bunch of his little guy friends had come in from looking at guns and now the girls and the guys were going to play spin the bottle.  
  
Alex rubbed his hands together, looked around for any sign that his parents had escaped the closet, and then spun the bottle. All the teens watched it as it went round and round and round. Just as it was about to land on the girl of his dreams, his friend caught the bottle and picked it up.  
  
"Let's play poker!" The kid shouted. Alex punched him in the nose and then when the girl looked to him and gave puppy dog eyes, he said, "Okay! Poker it is! But let's make it strip poker!" All of the guys nodded and shouted, "HURRAH!"  
  
Meanwhile, in the closet that was starting to get VERY crowded, Jonathan and Ardeth were doing a kind of sloppy square dance. Imhotep and Rick looked to each other, and they went into a little corner of the closet.  
  
"Okay, you grab Ardeth and I'll grab Jonathan. We can use their heads to break down the door!" Rick concluded.  
  
Imhotep tilted his head to the side. "Hmm. well that's no good!"  
  
Rick raised an eyebrow. "Why not?! It's the perfect plan if we want to get out of here! I mean, do you want to be stuck with these drunk maniacs?!"  
  
Imhotep shrugged. "It's not fair. You get the lighter one. I really don't need to be straining my back picking up Ardeth!"  
  
Rick rolled his eyes. "Tough scarabs. We have to get the women out of here!"  
  
So Imhotep picked up Ardeth and Rick picked up Jonathan, and surprisingly enough, the two men kept singing. "28 bottles of rum on the wall!" Rick shook his head from side to side and then looked to Imhotep. They nodded and Rick counted. "1. 2. 3. HEAVE!"  
  
It only took about three times to get the door opened. Rick and Imhotep dropped the still conscious and singing Jonathan and Ardeth.  
  
Anck-su-namun and Evy pushed Rick and Imhotep aside and stepped out, stepping on Jonathan and Ardeth.  
  
"Finally! Some air!" Anck-su-namun exclaimed.  
  
"Hey, want to go look at my garden?" Evy asked Anck-su-namun. Anck-su-namun nodded as Rick and Imhotep rolled their eyes and began walking in front of them. Evy and Anck-su-namun followed.  
  
As the front two people, Rick and Imhotep came across Alex partially naked and his girlfriends in their underwear. Rick, looking outraged, went up to Alex and to Alex's great delight, patted him on the back and said, "Keep up the good work, Alex!"  
  
Evy, on the other hand, went up to Alex and slapped him on the back of your head. "You are being a very bad boy! I'm so disappointed in you!" And she continued walking with Anck-su-namun to the garden.  
  
Jonathan came up to Alex and smiled drunkenly. "Jolly good! Carry on! Don't stop till you have their underwear!"  
  
Alex took a deep breath. He looked to his friends. "I have to find someway to get them back into the closet! Or the bathroom! Will you help me?!" He was pleased when his friends raised their fists and screamed, "HURRAH!" 


End file.
